I wish people knew how hard it is not to be able to smile normally — especially when meeting new people or appearing in photos. I was actually a very friendly, smiley person before facial palsy.
I was diagnosed with severe idiopathic Bell’s palsy just over two years ago. My face collapsed during a work Teams call, and my life suddenly changed. I’ve been incredibly lucky to receive the best specialist care through my amazing medical team. With facial therapy, ongoing stretching, massage, and therapeutic Botox® (all of which I genuinely would have been lost without) and some psychological support, I’ve reached a point where I don’t completely hate my face at rest. I know how lucky I am to have had access to that care.
However, I still can’t smile properly. With friends and family, it doesn’t really matter. They’re used to my face, and I feel relaxed around them. With new people, though, it’s much harder. And in photos, my options tend to be either looking completely miserable or completely wonky. I usually choose the former, even though I know I probably should embrace the wonkiness.
In this photo, I was on my way to a second wedding, just two days after seeing one of my closest friends get married — so I really was on cloud nine. You’d never know it from my face.
That’s the duality of facial palsy: what people see doesn’t always match what you feel. On the outside, my smile doesn’t work the way it used to. On the inside, the happiness is still very much there.
And maybe, for anyone newly diagnosed — because I know all too well how dark that early period can be — it helps to know this: you don’t actually need to smile normally to experience joy.
Disclaimer: Please note that views expressed are person’s own and should not be considered a recommendation of particular medical treatments, therapies or surgeries. We would always advise you seek advice from a health professional with experience in facial palsy who can assess your individual needs.