Dan’s Story

Hi, my name is Dan and I am 31 years old from Hyde in Greater Manchester.

I am a Martial arts and public self-defence instructor and run my own club in Hyde, as well as working freelance for a life leisure gyms and TDS cheer and Dance in Gorton, delivering classes for children and adults of all ages.

Whilst eating my tea one evening in 2011 aged 21 I realised that one side of my tongue was numb. I was unable to taste food or drink and had no feeling. I thought nothing of it and went to bed as normal.

I woke up the following morning and quickly realised something was wrong. I was unable to blink or close my eye on one side. My mum (being a nurse) quickly made me an emergency appointment with my GP for the following day. Upon waking that next day, I had subsequently lost my ability to smile, move any part of one whole side if my face, eat or drink properly and I was also unable to speak properly or coherently.

I saw my GP who knew straight away that I had developed Bell’s palsy. She prescribed me a course of steroids (prednisolone) and gave me an urgent referral to the physiotherapy department at the local hospital. I’m actually finding this quite hard and emotional to type up and re-live to be honest.

I was told when I had my physio that recovery was unknown and there was a possibility that I would not be a full recovery. My appointed physio (will always remember her) was excellent and worked with me a lot doing facial exercises and tried to keep me positive throughout. After 7-8 weeks my face began to move again and I truly count my blessing every day that I made an almost full recovery. I have a very slight weakness when I smile, although it is only really noticeable to me.

So that’s my story, but I would like to talk about the effects this had and indeed continues to have on me. No matter how much you try and explain it to people they simply don’t and I guess largely can’t understand. I believe it’s one of those things you have to experience, or be close to someone suffering to truly ‘get it’.

Whilst I had the facial paralysis, I did not leave the house once. I had to drink with a straw to minimise dribbling, I had to eat alone as I felt embarrassed and ashamed for people (even my mum and dad) to see me eating the way I had to, with food falling out of my mouth etc. I would lock myself in my room if we had any visitors at the house even though it was me they had come to see, because of the way my face looked when I smiled or the fact that when I spoke, no-one could understand what I was saying. Having to tape my eye closed at night, so that it did not dry up became an emotionally distressing experience, realising you may never be able to blink or close your eye again, eat or drink properly, or talk properly.

I had to close all my classes due to feeling so embarrassed and not wanting to be seen or heard out in public. I’m typing this account like this because I really want people to understand how distressing facial palsy can be. In a word, it is horrific.

Even as I continued to recover, reopening my club, going back to work, seeing people again, mentally and emotionally I was a wreck. I had become a different person, losing all my confidence, my ability to talk to people openly, my bubbly personality had vanished and I had lost any belief I had in myself to do general activities. I was well and truly in my own shell, with only my mum and dad to turn to for support, as I had shut everyone else out regarding what I had been through. I would not talk about it with anyone.

To this day I have never spoken fully openly about my experiences to anyone and I’m not sure I ever will, which is one reason I wanted to do this, as I do want people to know my story, I just find it incredibly hard and emotional to talk about. Having not known about the charity at the time, it was a very isolating time for me and the knock on effects of that will continue for the rest of my life.

Ten years down the line, does it still affect me? YES!

How does it affect me now? Well, as soon as I wake up. Every. Single. Morning. I do all the exercises the physio helped me with; it is a total paranoia and compulsion, it rules my morning. It is always on my mind throughout every day. If I feel so much as a twitch in my face, I’m in a massively heightened state of anxiety, praying it is not returning.

Socially and emotionally, I don’t think I will ever recover from the effects of Bell’s palsy. I was never the life and soul of the party, but I am so quiet in any social situation now it’s hard to believe I’m the same person. Other than when teaching at my club funnily enough or when I’m with my best friend.

I struggle to make new friendships and relationships with people and when I do form new friendships I can sometimes ‘overdo it’ for fear of losing the friendship, something I never did before my experience. When talking, just in everyday conversations, with friends or colleagues, I struggle to hold eye contact during the conversation, again something I never had an issue with before Bell’s palsy. I also have flashbacks and dreams of still having the condition, sometimes waking up in quite a distressed state or shouting out in the night.

All of the ways it affects me now are not by choice. It is as though I have built in reactions, cliques, responses and unconscious ticks if you like that will stay with me now forever.

I am lucky to have had a good recovery and now continue to run a successful martial arts club and teach numerous classes every week, but the impact this illness had on my life will never leave me.

I want to thank the charity for the fantastic work they do day in day out to help people suffering as well as their amazing work in raising awareness.