Nigel has had facial palsy since birth and explains how his personality has been shaped by his appearance.
Nigel now
Now aged 63 and having suffered from (or been blessed with, depending on mood!) facial palsy since birth, I suppose I should by now feel comfortable with my asymmetrical appearance. Whilst I no longer crave a normal smile and have become philosophical about my features, there are still occasions when I feel acutely aware of my divergence from the norm.
On a physical level there is the nuisance of my right eye which can not blink or fully close and, therefore, is constantly irritated by dryness and dust and debris. Five years ago, I had surgery to tighten up the sack which had developed under my eye and to have a gold weight inserted into the lid to enable it to shut. However, this was only partially successful and I subsequently had the weight removed.
Nigel as a child
It is perhaps both emotionally and psychologically that my palsy has most profoundly affected me. I can not remember exactly when I first became aware of my palsy but know I was very young, after all the mirror reveals all! I must have been seven or eight when I first experienced serious name calling, being referred to as a ‘freak’ and ‘Popeye’ by some boys at my local swimming pool. When I complained to my mother, she encouraged me to rejoice in my uniqueness and maintained that I had a lovely smile. Nevertheless, she subsequently spent many hours massaging my forehead and cheek in an attempt to stimulate my facial muscles, and I would sit in front of a mirror and practise smiling on my ‘bad’ side.
I think I must have decided pretty quickly that this was all a waste of time, and besides there were more exciting things to do as I had plenty of friends with whom I could play.
Nigel at secondary school
At secondary school, I was a popular pupil and had, by then, developed a strong, resilient and somewhat quirky personality. I gradually took on more responsibility and enjoyed leadership roles, captaining both the rugby and cricket teams and later, becoming Head Boy.
Although I was popular, all my friends were male and I would become very self-conscious in front of girls, fully aware of my wonky smile and staring ‘glass’ eye. It was not until I went to college to train as a teacher that I realised that girls were actually attracted to my personality, and I had no trouble forming enjoyable relationships.
In deciding to become a teacher, I was facing down all my demons as I knew that I would have more than thirty pairs of eyes bearing down on me throughout the day; yet I thoroughly enjoyed my teaching career which lasted for 34 years until my retirement.
In the classroom, I strove to be inspirational (and have been told I succeeded!) and I like to think that I successfully combined the roles of educator and entertainer believing, passionately, that education should be fun. As we all know, children can be very cruel but, in all those years, I was only aware of pupils mimicking my face on a couple of occasions, and only saw a few, very good I have to say, portrait doodles in rough books.
Nigel with his son
Of course, I have developed various coping strategies. Avoiding photos, not smiling in them or adopting a well practised pose; always presenting my ‘good’ side to people at meetings/interviews, etc.; avoiding social situations where new people will be encountered. I have been married to my beautiful wife for over 30 years and have two grown-up sons. My wife still gets exasperated by my reluctance to go out and socialise until she remembers how my personality has been shaped by my appearance. I think it is hard for her to understand how, when I was working as a teacher, I would be surrounded by people: pupils, parents, teaching colleagues, ancillary staff, governors, and yet now I always shy away from social situations. She has heard what an extrovert I was in the classroom and in the staffroom. I think back then, I wore a mask which now I don’t need to wear, and this may explain why my lack of ease in social situations has not improved over time.
I now work part time for Mencap with adults who have learning difficulties, and I guess my experiences have made me more sensitive to those who have any form of disability. Like most people, I was amazed at the heroic achievements of our disabled athletes at the Olympics this year, which really put my comparatively minor facial disfigurement into perspective.
When not working, I enjoy walking, gardening, reading and photographing birds. Yes I do love the camera – providing I am behind the lens!
Nigel Clements
Templecombe, Somerset
Disclaimer: Please note that views expressed are person’s own and should not be considered a recommendation of particular medical treatments, therapies or surgeries. We would always advise you seek advice from a health professional with experience in facial palsy who can assess your individual needs.