It was June 2010 when Bell’s palsy unexpectedly struck me. It had been a stressful few weeks having been to the funeral of a close relative who died suddenly and I was on my way to Dorset with a friend for a break. Due to traffic and getting lost the journey took over seven hours. Feeling agitated and stressed, I remember my top lip itched which meant to me that I would get a cold sore. By the time we reached our destination the right side of my face was paralysed. It was dark, I was tired and thought by the morning it would disappear as quickly as it came so I didn’t worry about it that much as I could walk and move.
The next day it didn’t go away so we came back. I went to the local hospital where I was told it was Bell’s palsy. I had no idea what that was. I was prescribed steroids and was told to see my GP.
My GP also prescribed anti-viral tablets as well as the steroids and I visited my doctor every week. I had an eye patch for my eye and gel and cream. It was important to keep my eye lubricated and protected because dirt, dust and smoke can cause damage to the retina. I had my eyes and ears tested to make sure they were not damaged. I saw a little improvement but not the recovery I had hoped. I was told in most cases Bell’s palsy sufferers recover fast but I didn’t. The steroids also made me very tired. My Bell’s palsy side was completely out of my control. When I cried at something sad on the TV, tears would flow freely from my left eye, but tears from my right eye would come three hours later and the water would just flow down uncontrollably. I had pain in my ear, my teeth, my throat, my eye. I did go to work and go out because apart from staying in my house or wearing a paper bag there wasn’t much else I could do and I hoped it would just away. I’m also stubborn. I remember people asking me for directions and when I answered I held my mouth up with my hand. Some people walked away. Some young man called me a freak on the tube once. Most people were sympathetic and thought I’d had a stroke and gave up their seats on the tube. I could see the looks in their faces though, looking at the right side of my face, feeling uncomfortable and I felt very self-conscious.
My doctor referred me to a neurologist at my local hospital and I waited four months for an appointment. He told me there was nothing he could do. No massage, no help whatsoever. I was really upset at his coldness. Would he say this to the Queen I wondered? I went home and cried. I decided to find out all I could about Bell’s. I joined a Facebook forum where other sufferers gave advice and help. I changed my diet, ate organically where I could, took vitamins and minerals, did exercises on my face and waited. I was beginning to get depressed. I still had to work but socially I didn’t want to go out. I felt unattractive and ugly and that people would laugh at me. Children did mimic me, but they were curious too and accepting. A lot of people thought I was born with paralysis. I developed synkinesis. Nerves had grown back but not as before and other nerves took over which meant when I ate or spoke my eye watered and twitched. The twitch when I spoke upset me a lot. I researched about treatments and Botox came up. I decided to go back to my doctor. He again sent me to a neurologist in a London hospital. Again I was told there was nothing they could do in a quite rude and dismissive way. Maybe it wasn’t Bell’s as it didn’t go away. I began to think I might have a brain tumour. I went back twice more to this hospital and the last time saw a female neurologist. I think she empathised with me as a female and just as I was waiting to be rejected again, she gave me Botox. I was so happy. In truth I wanted someone to care, to just hold out a hand and support me, give some help. Even if it didn’t work. To be ignored and rejected with no help at all was really very distressing.
I’ve been having Botox every few months now for four years, which does help and I’m too scared to come off the loop. I believe it is still improving. Sometimes I feel it gets worse before it improves. But I have come to accept that this may be as good as it gets. I still feel pain and nerves in my face. I never know where it will be. Every day is different and it depends on what I am doing or even thinking. Sometimes I get pain in my eye, or my ear, or nerves dart across my cheek. I’m still exploring treatments. Rest definitely helps. At the end of the day with tiredness and stress it gets worse. I treat myself to holistic therapies to aid stress and relaxation. My love of holistic treatments led me to become a reflexologist and a massage therapist which is beneficial to me and others. I look on the positive. My Bell’s palsy is part of me now. I can speak, sing, walk, and dance. Having Bell’s has made me more compassionate and sensitive to other people and it has been a learning experience. I have a very deep line from my nose to mouth which I am going to research treatments for. I want to take some acting classes which will be difficult for me. But I don’t want to hide away anymore.
Disclaimer: Please note that views expressed are person’s own and should not be considered a recommendation of particular medical treatments, therapies or surgeries. We would always advise you seek advice from a health professional with experience in facial palsy who can assess your individual needs.